It’s no secret that men and women tend to communicate differently. Sit down to watch any sitcom and you’re sure to see a woman frustrated with a man for not listening, or a man painstakingly searching for what a woman wants. First piece of advice: life isn’t a sitcom. If you want to have a great date with a guy or build a solid relationship in the future, you have to learn how to talk to guys. It all begins with conversation.
One of the easiest and most important ways to ensure a great conversation is to be friendly. Positive energy is contagious. Don’t try to hide your excitement or happiness to play hard to get. Let your natural smile shine through and be upbeat. The more your date sees that you are happy to be talking to him, the more comfortable and easy the conversation will become for both of you.
Conversation starter: One easy way to do this is to greet your date by name. Using his name will make your time together more personal and welcoming from the get go. Additionally, state how nice it is to see him. One simple phrase can go a long way to set the tone.
Conversation starter: Keep your exchange centered on fun topics. Talk about your ambitions and dreams, or anything that excites you, without getting too personal too quickly. Everyone enjoys talking about what they enjoy. Asking your date about his goals is a great way to fuel your dialogue.
It’s usually smart to avoid asking about past relationships or any future plans early on. Though these may become important if your relationship progresses, it may come off as too intrusive too soon. Save the serious stuff for later, and just enjoy each other’s company. The best part of dating is getting to know each other, so have fun!
Conversation starter: Refrain from complaining too much throughout your early time together. Never be afraid to speak up if something is making you uncomfortable, but don’t gripe about recent breakups or trivial situations. It’s not enjoyable for anyone when one person is too caught up in the past to enjoy spending time in the present.
Conversation starter : You can never go wrong with asking your date how his day has been. It shows that you are interested in his life and can lead to other topics. Ask him about what he says. Small details can lead to more chatter, and he will most likely return the questions!
Though it’s important not to cross any personal lines, stop living under the illusion that it’s your date’s job to read your mind. Sometimes women think it’s cute to drop hints, but guys tend to find it frustrating. It isn’t because they aren’t perceptive. Rather, men just tend to be more literal thinkers. No one likes playing mind games. Plus, being straightforward is attractive to men. So cut to the chase and eliminate any guessing.
Conversation starter 3: If you want to know something, just ask! I guarantee your date will enjoy talking about himself just as much as you do. Ask him what he does for a living, what he enjoys during his free time, or about any exciting plans coming up. You will be simultaneously appealing to his ego, and breaking down any tentative signals he may be nervous about not picking up on.
Conversation starter: Ask about any specific interests you may have noticed. This shows that you pay attention and are interested in more than the general first date questions. If your date arrives while listening to a certain type of music, ask him about his favorite bands, or if you meet at a coffee shop, ask him where his other favorite hangouts are.
Find common ground
What better way to bond than to discuss things you both appreciate? As your conversation progresses, listen for any opportunities to relate to your date. If he brings up something you enjoy, don’t be afraid to jump in and discuss it. Better yet, find a way to plan your next date around it. So you both love a certain band? Try to find a nearby concert.
As I said before, men generally take things literally. So if you put on a façade for your first few dates, he will be walking away with the wrong impression and will either be disinterested or incompatible. Though you shouldn’t feel pressured to reveal anything too personal about yourself early on, it’s important to always be yourself.
Conversation starter: By the same token, compliment your date with sincerity to let him know you are interested. It’s easy to see through fake compliments, but he will greatly appreciate simple praise. Tell him that he looks nice, or that it’s been enjoyable talking to him. Men enjoy compliments just as much as we do, but less frequently receive them. Don’t be afraid to let him know what you like!
Conversation starter: Similarly, if you enjoy his company, just tell him! Again, dropping silly little hints will not get you anywhere. Make it clear by the end of the date that you want to see him again. A simple phrase such as “I had a great time tonight,” or “we should get together again soon,” makes scheduling the next date less stressful for everyone.
Don’t underestimate silence
Though silence can be intimidating, it isn’t always a bad sign. Natural pauses in conversation are important to prevent the both of you from becoming overwhelmed. Pauses can be thoughtful, or affectionate. Take the opportunity to reflect on how things are going, or to smile at your date. It’s not necessary to fill every moment with verbal communication, especially if it starts to become meaningless.
Talking to guys doesn’t have to be intimidating. Though communication will, ultimately, become a personal negotiation within your relationship if you decide to enter something more serious, learning how to better talk to guys can greatly improve first dates, or any sort of interaction with the opposite sex.
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