Attraction is a gray area, a spectrum of random turn-ons and perks to dating a person. For some, attraction is a solely physical feeling and has nothing to do with a person’s character or lifestyle. For others, it’s a combination of factors that make no sense to most. In this modern dating world where every little quirk gets a label, there’s even a type of orientation where sexual attraction is only possible with intellectual stimulation. It’s all up to interpretation! But here are a few pillars of how attraction works for men.
Here’s where plenty of people get riled up over attraction. Physicality is important. Lazy people who refuse to put work into their appearance get mad over the subject, but it’s true. This is not speculation: men are tuned to be attracted to someone they can mate with. It’s basic biology and anthropology. While there’s nothing wrong with being lithe and petite, men are naturally inclined to be attracted to wide birthing hips and large enough breasts to sustain a child. While porn-sized assets are the freakishly large exception, breasts are large for a reason! Why do you think the Kardashians have men drooling over them in droves? Speaking of the Kardahians, a recent study actually found that it’s not the size of the ass that makes a woman attractive, but the degree of curve in her back right about the ass. Anthropologists explain that the curve in a woman’s lower back is a sign of health, vitality and good posture and signals that a woman’s body is stable enough to sustain extra weight in the front from a baby. So arch those backs, ladies! There’s science to back you up.
Emotional and Mental
This type of attraction is a double-edge sword: it could be a very sweet, romantic type of attraction or a darker, more manipulative pull. Men with huge, dramatic emotions tend to react more aggressively to bad situations. Look out for those who fall way too hard way too fast. A sure sign of this is guilt trips: if you miss a phone call or can’t spend every waking moment with him and he pulls a dramatic guilt trip on you, there’s a problem. Not only is he immature- doesn’t he want his own life sometimes?-but he’s also trying to manipulate you. These guys seek out women with low self-esteem to control. While attraction can be positive and exciting, look out for the underlying issues inside them. When it comes to mental attraction, this can lead to some of the most exciting relationships. Sharing the same books, binge-watching documentaries, discussing politics- it all can lead to a great partnership. Once again, there’s a manipulative quality to this attraction in some cases. Men like to be smarter and more successful than their partner. For insecure men, finding a woman that is smarter or more accomplished can throw them off. Look out for the ones trying to cut down your work, or make a fool out of you in front of friends. He has issues to deal with outside of your relationship.
While good old Freud has been debunked over the past century, there are a few tried and true lessons to take away from his quackery. For the most part, men want women like their mother. It’s a natural part of growing up to be closer to the parent of the opposite sex. It’s in this relationship that they learn to appreciate and love their own mother’s personality type. If his mother was a meek, quiet, subservient stay-at-home wife, he will probably want the same from a long-term partner. You gravitate to what you are used to and his preference will be a perfect example of such. If his mom happened to be a working mom, ran the household and has a sassy mouth on her, he’ll probably go looking for a similar personality for a wife. Keep this in mind when meeting the family. If you and his mother share similar personality traits, there’s a good chance you’re a keeper in his mind.
While this runs in the same vein as the Freudian concept, this takes another track. Finding out what his long-term goals are could be the answer to why he’s attracted (or not attracted) to you. If he wants to settle down with two kids and a dog and live in the same house until he dies but you want to travel the globe for the rest of your days sans children, it probably won’t work out. Men have an innate sense of family and responsibility and aren’t fond of unpredictability. The same goes the opposite way. If he wants to continent hop and you want a commune of 15 kids, it’s not meant to be. While there are rare exceptions, most men base their future and long-term partner decisions around the prospect of children and family. If you want generally the same outcomes, there should be fundamental attraction there. Now, this is not to say you should change your life plans for any guy’s future. Just keep it in mind when you worry about the stability of a relationship.
While these are not hard and fast rules, they are the major components in men’s subconscious that play into attraction. When deciphering his attraction, ask why, not how. Why does he like your sass? Why does he prefer thick hips and thighs? Why would he care that you want to travel for the next 10 years? Looking into the reason for his attraction will help you figure out if he thinks of you as a fling, or a long-term partner.
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