Dating culture is rapidly changing. Though the media still often puts pressure on men to make the first move, more and more women are taking charge of potential relationship situations. As it should be! Never be afraid to ask someone out if you want to. It can be intimidating, but it’s also quite exhilarating. So read up, and build your confidence before making your first move and find out how to ask a guy out.
As I’ve mentioned many times before, mental preparation is key to success in all stages of dating. First of all, ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen? Sure, he could say no. But you will most certainly survive. If things don’t go as planned and he does say no, treat yourself to a little chocolate, and then remember that there are plenty of more people out there. You deserve someone who genuinely enjoys your company. Though it can be difficult, try not to take any no’s personally, and you will soon realize that those who aren’t interested aren’t worth another worry.
Time and Place
Next, planning out the right time and place to ask him out will give you a clear trajectory. A casual and low-pressure setting is perfect, to keep both you and the other person at ease. Make sure it is rather private, without having to unnaturally isolate him, so he doesn’t feel pressured to answer in front of friends or colleagues. Additionally, pick a time of low stress, when he is more likely to be open to conversations. On your way out from school or work, as long as he isn’t in a rush, is ideal. Or, if he is often busy, a quick text message is perfectly acceptable, as long as you are personable, and you send one simple message.
Be straightforward and clear when asking someone out, but also don’t be too abrupt. Ease into a normal conversation by asking, “how are you,” or “how’s it going,” before you officially ask him on a date. Then, in a normal conversational tone, simply ask something like, “I was wondering if you would like to grab a bite to eat this weekend?” Your language doesn’t have to be absolutely worded or planned, though it is a good idea to rehearse beforehand. Above all, make sure to be relaxed, rather than reciting a memorized line.
Prepare a few date options to keep in mind when you talk to him, so your conversation is straightforward rather than open ended. You will feel a lot more confident in having a plan and knowing what to say if you can specify what you might enjoy doing together. Going to a local coffee shop to get to chat, or meeting up at a quant pub to get a few drinks are both perfectly casual and common first dates. If you’re up for it, the classic dinner and a movie idea is always fair game as well. Just be sure not to plan anything fancy too early, or your interactions may feel forced and overwhelming.
Better yet, choose something that you know your potential date enjoys. If he enjoys concerts, suggest picking up some tickets, or if he loves a certain type of food, suggest a specific restaurant. This will show that you pay attention to his interests, and also that you put some special thought into your time together. Having options will also prevent moments of panic!
Don’t focus on the negative, but do be confident in your ability to wrap up the conversation if it doesn’t go as planned. Think of options to diffuse the situation if you approach him and it ends up appearing to be a bad time, and also if he says no.
For the former, think of a few back up questions to ask so it doesn’t seem odd that you began a conversation. This will largely depend on how you know the guy, and where your interactions usually take place. But a few examples may be asking him about homework for a class you share, or confirming an upcoming holiday at work.
For the latter, you may choose different approaches. Being friendly and acknowledging the fact that you respectfully accept his answer is never a bad idea. Or, simply wish him well and state that you have to get back to class or work. No harm no foul.
For even more advice, I would highly recommend browsing the other articles on the site. Brushing up on “How to Talk to Guys” lends some more in-depth insight about how vital it is to be direct when asking a guy out, and throughout your other interactions. Looking into “How to Flirt” will help you understand how to let a guy know that you are interested, by utilizing body language and other methods before asking him out, or once you secure a date. “First Date Advice” is a great quick read to ease your nerves before setting out on your first meeting. Amp up your game before approaching your guy and things will surely go smoothly.
Essentially, if you want to thoroughly build confidence before making the big move and asking someone out, do as much reading as you can in order to prepare for all facets of the interaction, while also remembering that there is no perfect rule book. Follow your heart, practice, and be yourself. Soon, you will be a pro.