In the age of Ashley Madison and hidden texting apps, it’s not the cheating that’s new-it’s the ways to hide it. As technology makes it easier and somehow also harder to hide an affair, it’s your ever-present gut feeling that can sense a scandal. I could outline the best way to break into his email, but that’s just silly. Also, I’m bad at technology. Go with your gut! Since the beginning of time, both men and women have cheated emotionally and physically on significant others. He might be a whiny chauvinist or you could be a bitching hag. The nuances never end when it comes to cheating. Below I’ve summed up the biggest possibilities of why men have affairs. Watch out for these cues in the beginning of the relationship and deal with them early to avoid a cheating fiasco.
He’s emotionally needy
In my opinion, this is the worst type of cheating. It might not even be physical, but it’s definitely emotional. Putting his mental efforts towards someone else is a sign of a bigger problem in the relationship. If he always needs reassurance that you love him, are thinking about him, constantly texting and calling, posting on Facebook about your relationship everyday, you’re dealing with an emotionally unstable man-child. Has he lost it when you mention his name but don’t tag him on Instagram because he wants everyone to know you are dating? That’s an issue. Does he demand you hold hands in public so you can be seen together? Ask him how old he is again. Has he been upset over the lack of a goodnight text? Tell him to get over himself. Be prepared to see his work friend become a crush that eventually turns into an emotional crutch when you don’t have enough time for him. This could mean he’s sleeping with her, or just emotionally attached because he’s desperate for reassurance. Fair warning, ladies.
There are two ends to this spectrum: unathletic, sweet nerd or protein-laden gym rat. He either spends every waking moment perfecting his triceps, or is too intimidated to work on his physical appearance in the slightest. Either way, he has some insecurities. This is the guy that needs 200+ likes on his gym selfie to feel accomplished. Or needs that nerdy barista he’s always had a secret crush on to compliment his Adventure Time t-shirt. When another girl can stroke his ego just the tiniest bit more than you, he will go running. Stalk that Instagram hard, girl.
He likes the playboy lifestyle
This one’s a pretty simple explanation: he likes playing the field. It’s difficult to figure this out after 6 months of dating and sleepless nights wondering why he has to be out at bars every night of the week. But better late than never! It’s hard to accept when you care about the boy, but sometimes it’s for the best. If he’s the type you’re with right now, know that his cheating has nothing to do with how you’ve behaved. He just likes multiple women and a fast life…simple as that. His reaction to a cheating accusation: sorry, not sorry. Move on!
He’s scared of commitment
This may seem like the ultimate cliché. Remember, I’m a woman writing this, not a self-soothing man. There are true cases where men really do just hate the idea of being committed to one person. I am (very) aware that every tacky movie ever uses this as an excuse for cheating. And it’s not. But an excuse and an honest reason are two very different things. Commitment phobia isn’t exclusive to men. Remember not to gender every heinous romantic crime. This could be just simple immaturity or greediness-that middle ground is quite the gray area. The difference between this and the playboy is dating: playboys want lots of sex and casual fun. This wannabe polygamist wants the full-on girlfriend status attention of multiple women. If you’re into it, cool. If you want a committed relationship, back to match.com.
You are distant
Here’s something no woman wants to hear: it’s your own fault he cheated. Obviously, he went through with the texting and the drinks and the sex willingly, but in the end, it was cold apathy from his partner that triggered it. In this scenario, he is still to blame. But a relationship is a two way street. You can’t ignore him, refuse sex, stay home 24/7, never attempt to get done up, only wear sweatpants and nag him about chores and still expect everything to be perfect. Get dressed up for a date every once in awhile, have his favorite cereal on hand, take his dog on a walk when he’s busy at work, ask about his fantasy football league you actually couldn’t care less about. Little things make a relationship work. Do little things.
Once again, cheating and the reasons for it are an endless gray area. It could be past emotional damage. He could be a total asshole. It might be a huge miscommunication and there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. Take the above advice with a grain of salt- it’s your relationship, not mine.
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